Let's see, I've been living in the USA, more exactly in Las Vegas, for four years now. Many good things happened to me but today I'm not going to talk about my successes but the col·lateral damages that you suffer living in a country where food sucks (compared to the healthy Mediterranean food I was used to eat).
The thing is that three months ago I started having stomach aches, acid indigestion, and so on, all because of junk food. A friend of mine (Brenda, fuck you!) recommended me a colon hydrotherapy!! I will explain now what is this about if you're not familiar with the word: the treatment is an intestine cleaning draining 20 liters of hot water up your... ass!
That was my experience. They put me in a room with some kind of weird stretcher with a hole in the middle of it. I got naked (just my trousers and underwear) and got on the stretcher. The nurse (or whatever it was), gave me some vaseline and a tube. At that precise moment I said to myself "Mateo…what the fuck are you doing here?!" I put the tube (no laughs) inside of me and then the nurse soured the tap. At that moment the water started to run inside my body. The girl told me that I should start pushing at that moment (just like when you have diarrhea) but I couldn't do it with her in front of me. I can't "shit" in front of nobody. At that moment she started putting me hot wet towels on my nape and feet.. at that time I was feeling myself like a balloon filled with water. I even think that my eyes were starting to pop out of my skull. When she realized that asked me if I wanted her to leave the room which I answered with a head movement. The precise moment she left the room I started pushing as hard as I could. Then I realized that something hot was dripping down my legs and I thought "Damn it! I pushed so hard that the tube got out and shit is coming out". I pressed the button to call the nurse to tell her (in my bad English) what I thought happened.
She calmed me saying that everything was fine and that I could see it for myself. The tube was transparent and it was lying beside me on the floor. I could see the water running inside of it. With a mirror on the wall it was possible to see the tube was still on my ass and the water running down my legs. After that I took a deep breath, I was sweating like a pig, I had a terrible headache and my stomach was still hurting. I spent the following 45 minutes pushing every two minutes like my life depended on it.
Once the long proccess of taking a shit finished, the water started to come out clean. I also cleaned myself with a towel, got dressed, took a vegetable soup that the nurse gave, paid and left. At that precise moment a sentence from a very famous Spanish actor, Fernando Fernán Gómez, came to my mind: "Go to hell! Go fuck yourself!"
The thing is that three months ago I started having stomach aches, acid indigestion, and so on, all because of junk food. A friend of mine (Brenda, fuck you!) recommended me a colon hydrotherapy!! I will explain now what is this about if you're not familiar with the word: the treatment is an intestine cleaning draining 20 liters of hot water up your... ass!
That was my experience. They put me in a room with some kind of weird stretcher with a hole in the middle of it. I got naked (just my trousers and underwear) and got on the stretcher. The nurse (or whatever it was), gave me some vaseline and a tube. At that precise moment I said to myself "Mateo…what the fuck are you doing here?!" I put the tube (no laughs) inside of me and then the nurse soured the tap. At that moment the water started to run inside my body. The girl told me that I should start pushing at that moment (just like when you have diarrhea) but I couldn't do it with her in front of me. I can't "shit" in front of nobody. At that moment she started putting me hot wet towels on my nape and feet.. at that time I was feeling myself like a balloon filled with water. I even think that my eyes were starting to pop out of my skull. When she realized that asked me if I wanted her to leave the room which I answered with a head movement. The precise moment she left the room I started pushing as hard as I could. Then I realized that something hot was dripping down my legs and I thought "Damn it! I pushed so hard that the tube got out and shit is coming out". I pressed the button to call the nurse to tell her (in my bad English) what I thought happened.
She calmed me saying that everything was fine and that I could see it for myself. The tube was transparent and it was lying beside me on the floor. I could see the water running inside of it. With a mirror on the wall it was possible to see the tube was still on my ass and the water running down my legs. After that I took a deep breath, I was sweating like a pig, I had a terrible headache and my stomach was still hurting. I spent the following 45 minutes pushing every two minutes like my life depended on it.
Once the long proccess of taking a shit finished, the water started to come out clean. I also cleaned myself with a towel, got dressed, took a vegetable soup that the nurse gave, paid and left. At that precise moment a sentence from a very famous Spanish actor, Fernando Fernán Gómez, came to my mind: "Go to hell! Go fuck yourself!"
